


healing (but not for me, honey)

by pettyarsonist



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Not Beta Read, Recovery, emotional vulnerability? in my keito??, i don't hate eichi i promise, keito needs to stop and actually let people in, more tags will be added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:22:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24984532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pettyarsonist/pseuds/pettyarsonist
Summary: He’s going to die, and he can do nothing about it, he knows this. The final sacrifice for the emperor. This forces a small, pained laugh to escape him, reveling in the pure irony of the situation. He dies like this, the sort of way they all thought, sort of way they knew the emperor would pass. The flowers taking hold of his lungs were a sure sign of that, and he could only fold to it, unable to move from his place on the floor, his body growing weaker and weaker by the minute. A beautiful death, one of roses and amaranthus, one suited for this outcome.--Keito Hasumi was in love. Now he's not, but he's just very, very shattered. He needs to heal, but to be able to do that, he needs to learn to trust people genuinely, and let his removed, empty feelings go. This is about healing.
Relationships: Hasumi Keito & Kiryuu Kurou, Hasumi Keito/Kiryuu Kurou, Hasumi Keito/Tenshouin Eichi (Onesided), Hibiki Wataru/Tenshouin Eichi (Implied)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 26





	healing (but not for me, honey)

**Author's Note:**

> nobody: .  
> my dumbass, picking up on my fic draft from march: haha hanahaki go brrrr

He’s so _perfect,_ the emperor. An ethereal, timeless being, someone who deserved much, much more than he got. And Keito had fallen for him. In all honesty, who would blame him? As it turns out, almost nobody who knew how easily those flowers were seeded, and how much love the emperor held for his lovely jester. It was unfortunate, yes, but it wasn’t Keito’s fault.

The flowers had grown easily, his love for Eichi strong, making the flowers’ growth steady and quick. It hadn’t been long before he woke up unable to breath, before he had noticed the difficulty and the pain in his chest. It was almost as if he felt like he was dying, but he had originally just passed it off as sickness, as him overworking himself, and had made himself take a small break. It hadn’t gone away, though, and a few days after that, the first flowers had come out. They had just been rose petals at first, and small ones at that. He tried to tell himself that, tried to pass it off, but inside he was terrified of what that meant. He tried not to believe it, but as the flowers got larger and much more than just petals, he couldn’t deny it any more. Sure, Eichi cared for him, but.. the feelings he had for him. They had never been reflected in him, and never could be. That was an unfortunate fate, but it was the one Keito deserved, was it not? It was foolish of him to fall in love in the first place, and instead of Eichi dying, it would be him. He still didn’t truly believe the thoughts that he repeated to himself, that small spark of hope still alight inside his heart. It was the only thing that kept him alive as long as he was.

The downfall happened suddenly, not the slow, incoming burn that you would think usually typical of a situation like this. And it wasn’t something big that caused it, either. Sometimes, just hearing something can break you, can shatter you into a trillion pieces, like a dropped doll. For Keito, it was hearing three simple words. He had heard them through a wall, yes, but he had still _heard_ it. 

_“I love you.”_ Three words, spoken by that beautiful, angelic voice. To somebody else. At first, Keito had just stood there, staring at the wall, before his chest seemed to seize up, the pain sending a wave of panic through him. _Not here, oh, not here._ He wouldn’t — _couldn’t_ —let himself fall here. Somebody could find him, and then.. oh, he didn’t want everyone being upset with Eichi for killing him. He didn’t even know at that point, just knew that he had to get somewhere where they couldn't find him.

As he began to panic, it got harder and harder to breathe, his chest seizing up again as he hurried out of the room and down the hall, trying to keep himself steady. He couldn’t do that for long, however, ending up darting inside of an empty classroom, shutting the door and slumping down against the wall just before he fell forward onto his knees.

Black rose petals, spilling out of his mouth as Keito Hasumi coughs, his hands balled into fists. The realisation that no, he would never reciprocate his feelings, and that he was perfectly fine without him had finally dawned on him fully. And god damn, if it didn’t hurt. He hacked away, more and more petals, coated in a light sheen of his own blood, flowing out each time. Whole flowers are beginning to leave his body as he cries and coughs, growing more and more lightheaded as seconds pass.

He’s going to die, and he can do _nothing_ about it, he knows this. The final sacrifice for the emperor. This forces a small, pained laugh to escape him, reveling in the pure irony of the situation. He dies like this, the sort of way they all thought, sort of way they knew the emperor would pass. The flowers taking hold of his lungs were a sure sign of that, and he could only fold to it, unable to move from his place on the floor, his body growing weaker and weaker by the minute. A beautiful death, one of roses and amaranthus, one suited for this outcome.

His consciousness is slipping from him, the waves of pure, freeing darkness crashing into him at a much more vibrant intensity than the weak being life was, when Kuro walks in. He barely sees it, the pure panic and fear on his unitmate’s face, as his eyes slip shut. It feels as if he’s drowning, in an odd, peaceful way, though by this point all the panic has faded from him. Unfortunate, though he might not die, a disappointment in itself, for Keito. It's not like he can do anything about it, at this point.

——————

Kuro Kiryu sat by the hospital bed, half asleep. He’d been there for the better part of a day and a night, unwilling to leave the still unconscious young man’s side. Nobody had really wanted to stop him either, after they had performed that emergency surgery on Keito. It was Kuro, who had called emergency services, after all, and had refused to leave until he was _certain_ they would take the flowers out, and that he would most likely be okay. He had almost died, after all, it was completely in the right of Kuro to be this worried about him. As he sat there, his head lolling slightly as his body pushed him back and forth through the spiral that slowly led down to sleep, there was a slight movement from the hospital bed beside him.

As Keito stirred, he let out a small groan, refusing to open his eyes. He was groggy, and the pain in his chest mixed with that led to an annoyingly strong concoction of _'ugh, let me go back to sleep, I don’t even **care** anymore.'_ He, however, opened his eyes anyways, everything around him bright and blurry. He blinked once, twice, and though the blurriness was somewhat expected, the confusion as to why everything was bright was not. It hurt his eyes, and he let out a soft, pained noise as he shut his eyes again, pressing his hands over them. Too much, and all at once, he remembered. But, he couldn’t be dead, not like this. Unless he had gone to hell, which, when he thought about it, wasn’t too far off. That seemed fitting for him, the man who fell in love with the emperor, despite _knowing,_ deep down, that it would never be something mutual.

Keito opened his eyes again after a few minutes, his hands previously pressed over his eyes lowering, as he let out a small, indescribable noise, not wanting to move. He glanced around slightly, though he was unable to see well. _Where were his glasses?_ He didn’t know, but shifted slightly, wincing from the pain. Kuro, not being fully asleep, sensed the movement, and opened his eyes, despite his brain and body both rebelling against it. He looked down at Keito, his eyes widening as he noticed that he was awake. He opened his mouth to speak, though the thoughts running through his head seemed to make that impossible at the moment. 

Keito spoke first, his mind finally snapping into place and recognising the person sitting beside his hospital bed. His voice was soft, a little hoarse, but that seemed like a given, due to what he had been through. “Kiryu..?”

“Keito..” Kuro trailed off, still not knowing what to say, and not wanting to upset him. He was upset, though, and rightfully so. Keito hadn’t told them _anything_ , and walking in to see him throwing up _whole flowers and blood,_ of all things, would be very much upsetting, to anyone. Especially Kuro. He sighed heavily, almost looking deflated as he stared down at his unit leader.

When Kuro spoke again, he was quiet, almost resigned. “Hasumi, you’re an idiot.”

“I am aw-” He was cut off by Kuro, who very unceremoniously had shushed him, a soft sort of worried anger flashing through his eyes, the kind that was reserved for people who did stupid things, and got hurt, even in the account of accidents.

“I’m completely serious. Do you know how much it scared me to walk in and see you like that? I thought that you- I thought that you were going to _die!_ You were barely breathing when we got you to the hospital and- and-“ He cut himself off, trying not to become overly emotional, raising his head up slightly to force the tears threatening to drip down back into himself. Taking a heavy breath, he looked back down at Keito, taking in everything. The exhaustion on his unitmate’s face, the tubes coming out of his chest, and the general helplessness of him. It upset Kuro, in all honesty, but he also knew that Keito was too stubborn to accept help. Even when he was like this. _Especially_ when he was like this.

“And?” Keito’s voice was soft, as if he genuinely felt bad about his actions. He cared about Akatsuki, after all, and the people in it. Even if his vision was blurry, he could see the obvious worry, the disappointment on Kuro’s face.

“Why..? Why didn’t you tell us? _Who_ did that to you?”

“I can’t-“ Kuro had heard this before. Vague excuses, hiding what was going on inside his head. He couldn’t stand it, was too worried to be able to sit through this.

“Why not, Keito? They almost killed you. Please don’t give me those excuses. I’m worried.”

Keito looked away, trapped between wanting to tell him, and caring more for Eichi’s well being than his own, as per usual, even without those flowers. He took a shaky breath, the dull pain flowing through his body causing him to let out a small, pained noise.

“Hasumi-..” He was quiet for a moment, thinking of what to say, trying to word it in a way that wouldn’t just cause him to shut down. “Keito.. please. I won’t tell anyone else, but _please,_ just tell me. I’m worried about you.”

Keito kept his gaze averted, biting down onto his cheek. He was right. He trusted Kuro, he really did, but.. oh, whatever. He spoke softly when he did, barely audible as he did. “..fine. It was Eichi.”

“..Ah.” Kuro was quiet, looking back down. He had known that, somehow, had seen how Keito looked at him when nobody else was looking. How unfortunate, because Tenshouin was very much _infatuated_ with that jester, Wataru. While he knew how Hanahaki worked, knew that Keito must have been clinging to that small kernel of hope for so long, he felt almost sorry for him. That was a doomed feeling, that had lived inside of Keito for so long. But it was gone now. He was safe, even though he still needed to recover. As he spoke again, he caught a tremble in his voice, crushing it before it could be caught by Keito’s ears. “Just.. let me know if I can help you with anything, okay? I’m really sorry, Hasumi..”

“Okay. Thank you, I suppose.” He didn't plan on asking for help, but he’d keep that in mind. As Keito shut his eyes again, not wanting to deal with the doctors, Kuro stood up, sighing and stretching slightly as he did so.

“I have to go, but I’ll be back soon. I’ll let everyone know you’re okay, too. Apologies for any unwanted attention that might cause you, but.. word spread quick, and they’d come eventually, anyways.” 

Keito only nodded in response as Kuro left the hospital room, losing himself in thought. How ironic it was that now he was the one in the hospital, the one who would probably have to spend at least a few weeks in here. At least he was okay now, right? He wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore. And in an odd sort of way, that hurt. Much like the dull ache in his chest, but almost as if it was his heart directly, pulsing an empty, yearning feeling throughout him. Something was missing, and he didn’t know whether or not he actually missed the feeling, the tightness of choking love wrapped around his lungs, around his heart. There was nothing left for him here, but he.. didn't care. There had always been that nothing. He didn't care.

But he would be okay, correct? He always was, always pushed through. Never for himself, but for others. He was the support structure, after all. He wouldn’t let himself be seen as lesser. He needed to be that support. That was the last thing he thought, repeating to himself over and over as the doctors came, checking on him, having him walk and take deep breaths. _“I will be okay,”_ the mantra on loop in his head. The only thing that mattered, even if he didn't believe it himself.


End file.
